Was It Worth It?

Yes, it was. Quite worth it, thank you. And my older daughter and I ended up on TV. (Takes a bow).

Picture it. Hammonds Field. 3/29/08. Rain. 45 degrees. Blustery wind. My children, my beloved, his child, and me. Front row, general admission, on the cold, hard, wet ground. Tell me, weather man... where was that 55 degrees and partly sunny sky you promised? Hm? Lies, all lies. Still... THE Cardinals were there. I love me some Cardinals baseball. I love it so much that not only did I endure the elements, but those I care about the most endured it with me. Why? It was how I wanted to celebrate my birthday. THE Cardinals lost to the Cardinals by 7. We didn't stay to witness the loss. We left after the 6th inning. There comes a point, after all, where it's just crazy to stay. I did learn something, however, and that is that it takes exactly 1 minute 37 seconds for nacho cheese to turn cold while walking in the cold air. There's not much worse than very cold nacho cheese sauce on soggy chips. I don't recommend it.

So why was it worth it? A few reasons:

1. Family time. Memory-making stuff. 'Tis good.
2. My friend Kelly got to see Kailey and I on TV, all bundled up, my hair quite the mess.

And last, but not least, something I found out just today:

3. My beloved's beloved son told him upon hearing that I was 40 that I looked 30. My beloved told him that I'd appreciate hearing that. To which beloved son replied, "Well, maybe 37."

Good enough. I'll take that.

Cardinals baseball season opened today. Then after an hour and a half rain delay somewhere around inning 5, closed again. They'll officially open tomorrow. I can probably knock 3 years off my looks and get away with it. I have wonderful children who keep life from being dull. I am loved even when I am unlovable. Life is good.

Yep, totally worth it.

It Wasn't Nearly As Bad As I Thought Until...

The (apparently) not-so-bright waiter at Olive Garden just couldn't seem to keep his trap shut about women our age knowing about MySpace and blogs and the internet and oh... ELECTRICITY, in general. Hello!! Did your mother never teach you not to make comments like that? Oh, I'm sorry, she probably hasn't hit 35 yet, and hasn't yet learned about tact, etc.

Forgive me, I've ranted without setting up the cause for said rant. 3/28, approximately 7:00 p.m., Olive Garden. 9 women, ranging in ages 20-something to 50-something. All celebrating yours truly's 40th birthday. We had a fabulous time talking, laughing, eating things we shouldn't eat, especially that late in the day, and just enjoying being out of the house and the daily routine of life. I had dreaded the birthday, but it was turning out quite lovely in spite of my fears. Until Seth, our waiter, couldn't keep his comments to himself. He obviously didn't ever practice thinking before speaking. I'm sure he thought he was trying to be funny or coy, but uh, my advice? Don't quit that serving job at OG for that stand-up act you're contemplating, and poorly attempting to hone by insulting a group of nice women who could probably hand your butt to you in a fair fight if need be. I did not let it slide. I pointed out the blunder(s). The more he tried to explain himself, the deeper the hole he was digging. Wonder how that foot in his mouth tasted? Methinks he wasn't even aware of what he was doing, which made it all that much easier to laugh at him.

Oh well, still a quite wonderful birthday. Wonderful to be with friends. And even more wonderful that, after all these years of trying to impress others, I no longer care about impressing anyone. Others' opinions no longer weigh so heavily on my shoulders. There is a burden we tend to carry in our 20s and 30s of which we're not really aware. I wasn't aware of it until recently, upon contemplating 40, that I saw how much time and effort I'd put in to making sure others thought certain things of me. Why did I do that? Did it make any sort of difference in my life? NO! Not one bit.

So ladies, if you're still carrying around that burden, no matter what your age, I recommend you set that burden down and walk away. You don't need it. Take care of your family, your job, your spiritual and emotional health, and first and foremost your relationship with Him. Nothing else matters at all. And, in taking care of those things, how could anyone think anything but wonderful things about you? Sort of all falls into place, doesn't it? It's quite nice. And you'd be amazed at how much better you sleep!

Campbelli Ristorante

That was the name of my kitchen and dining room tonight. Only the best chefs will create their masterpieces here. Tonight's line-up of chefs? My children. Why? They were preparing my birthday dinner (a day early because I have some fabulous plans for tomorrow night, thanks to Alana and 7 of my friends). They wanted to get me something for my birthday, and this was what they decided upon. And let me say, it was the best idea ever.

Last week, the children put together a menu with 3 choices in each of the following categories: appetizer, drink, main course, side dish, dessert. I got to pick my preference from each, and the menu was set. We had spinach artichoke dip and chips for the appetizer, pink lemonade to drink, salad as our side dish, and chicken bacon ranch sandwiches for the main course. It was all incredibly delicious (I'm serious!), and I'm absolutely STUFFED. Kailey also made the dessert: chocolate chip pound cake. It smells scrumptious (just out of the oven, and has to cool before we can dig in)!

After dinner, there was entertainment: DVDs of my favorite cartoons - Bugs Bunny (there is no one better, although Spongebob comes in a close second to ol' Bugsy). I am watching these as I type this, and it's quite a treat. Not since I was a kid, living with my parents, has anyone fixed me a birthday dinner. That's been over 20 years ago now. The kids were quite pleased to be the first to do this for me. This has been quite the memorable evening, and my heart has been warmed beyond imagination. What thoughtful, fun children I have! How blessed is this birthday girl!

Time for some cake, then the birthday girl has to clean the kitchen. Heh!

Homework

Uh, so B-town is in the heart of the Bible Belt Buckle, right? So tell me why, oh WHY, do kids have so much homework on Wednesday nights, hm? As a single parent of 3, I find it quite difficult to fit homework for 3 children and a couple of hours at church into a weekday evening. It's quite frustrating. I remember a time when homework wasn't given on Wednesdays, simply because it was understood that people attend church that evening. I suppose I could be wrong, of course, but I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason homework was non-existent, or light at the very least. Anywho, homework is done. Finally.

T Minus 5 Days

Yeah, the Big 4-0 fast approacheth. It's really bothering me, too. I called my brother today to wish him a Happy Easter, and he mentioned the big day coming up fast.


"How old will you be, Sus?"


"Oh, I'll be 40."


"40?"


"Yes, 40. And it's really getting to me for some reason."


"Well, just be thankful for another day of life."


Of course, I agreed with him. And I AM thankful for yet another day on this earth. The alternative is, well, unacceptable. But 40? Really? Certainly doesn't feel like it.

To take my mind off things, the day after my birthday, the kids and I will be accompanied by my beloved and his son to the St. Louis Cardinals vs. the Springfield Cardinals game. Yes, I actually got tickets. We'll be sitting on the grass in General Admission, but by golly, we've got tickets! The weather is supposed to fairly decent, so I'm guessing it'll be a fun time. I really can't wait for this, as I have been chomping at the bit for baseball season to start.

And to take my mind off things even more, my beloved has planned 2 games of the Cardinals vs. the Cubs for us in St. Louis in May. Now THAT, my friends, is a birthday present to top all birthday presents. He certainly knows the way to my heart. :-) Teehee!

Okay, so I feel better now. This shouldn't be a blog. It should be a vent.

Happy Easter!

Today, the children and I spent our second Easter with my beloved. 'Twas a good day, and I must say, he has patience when my patience has taken the first fast train outta town. Heh.

Where Does the Time Go?

Today would have marked my mother's 70th birthday. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that one. I can't imagine what she'd be like at that age if she were still here. I can envision her only as she was before she left this earth. I mentioned this to my sister today, and she figures Mom would be the same, just older. I suppose she's right.

I've thought a lot about Mom today, as I do every day. But today, a little more of my time than usual was spent with thoughts and memories of her. I suppose that's only fitting, it being her birthday and all. The first day of spring. The earth coming back to life after a rather long, cold winter. And what a perfect day today was. Mom would have liked it. The clear blue sky, the sunshine, the warmth.

My mom has been gone nearly 10 years now, and it's difficult for me to wrap my mind around that fact as well. She knew only one of my children, Kailey, although she did get to feel Timmy kicking me, as I was about 5 months pregnant with him when she died. Kenzie is named for her (her middle name is Dee, my mom's first name), and it amazes me how much Kenzie is like her. When I look into Kenzie's eyes, it's like looking into Mom's. The rest of my family has noticed this, of course, and it warms our hearts.

It's not my personal belief that, when people die and go to heaven, they can look down and see us, keep up with what's going on here on earth, etc. Look at it this way, if you were in heaven with direct access to the Lord Almighty, would you really want to keep up with the goings-on down below? Uh, no. Too much to do up there! People gone on before that you'd probably want to catch up with. Not to mention, praising and worshiping God. Methinks that's what one's time would be spent doing upon entering the pearly gates. And I'm sure that's what Mom has been doing these 10 years. She did love to sing.

So, I said my prayers today, and I asked God if He could just give Mom a message for me. Tell her Happy Birthday and that she's missed, that sort of thing. I wonder if He does that. I really don't see why He wouldn't, and feel that He probably already did that for me. He's cool that way.

When Somebody Loves You

When your heart is all alone,
every second seems so long.
When it's just you, you can't see through
Those ol' clouds that rain so blue.

When somebody loves you,
There's nothing you can't do.
When somebody loves you,
It's easy to get through.
When somebody loves you,
the way that I love you.

--Alan Jackson

If you've been loved or are currently loved, then you know how meaningful those words are. If you've been loved, and that love was taken away, then you especially know how meaningful those words are. If you've been loved, had it taken away, then have been given the rare opportunity for a second chance of being loved, then you not only know how meaningful those words are, but you have an even greater responsibility to not take them for granted. For 5 years, I've been alone. Oh sure, I've had my children with me, but I had no helpmate, no partner, no one to back me up or have my back. Now, I have been loved for about a year and a half (I like to think he's loved me for a year and a half now, and I'm pretty sure I loved him back then, but actually admitting that fact didn't come until about a year ago) of those 5 years. This weekend, for the first time in years, I had back up. I had support. He took up for me, supported me, and defended me. It wasn't over anything all that serious, certainly nothing to write about here, but the fact that he did that for me... just incredible. I'd grown so used to feeling so defeated at moments like that, and then there he was, in essence, saving the day. Quite honestly, that act was an answer to prayer. To many prayers, actually. He has my eternal gratitude and all my love. Hopefully, I will someday have the opportunity to return the favor. I thank God every day for the blessing He's given me in you, Ron. Thank you for loving me.

Everything

I got to see Michael Buble' in concert on Friday night, and let me say that it was a great show. He sounds as good in person as he does on his CDs, and it was well worth the ticket price. He sang some of those old standards, and also one of my favorite songs, one of his own, entitled "Everything." I've included the lyrics below. Wish I knew how to put one of those song-playing thingamawhozits on here so you could just listen to it. Guess I need to look into figuring out how to do that.

The song makes me think of a certain someone who is my everything. May I just say how nice it is to have someone again who IS everything? Well, it's INCREDIBLY nice. (I'm so smitten that I can't even think of interesting adjectives any more). It's also nice that I got to see him this weekend as well, and that was even better than seeing Michael Buble'.

Everything

You're a falling star. You're the getaway car

You're the line in the sand when I go too far

You're the swimming pool on an August day

And you're the perfect thing to say

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute

Oh, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do

Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true

Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life And through these crazy times

It's you, it's you. You make me sing

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything

You're a carousel. You're a wishing well

And you light me up when you ring my bell

You're a mystery. You're from outer space

You're every minute of my everyday

And I can't believe oh, that I'm your man

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can

Whatever comes our way oh, we'll see it through

And you know that's what our love can do

And in this crazy life and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you. You make me sing

You're every line. You're every word. You're everything

Apparently, I've Been Tagged

Tagged by my good friend, Alana, for a meme. So, I'm supposed to find the nearest book with at least 123 pages, find page 123, find the 5th sentence, and post the next 3 sentences. Okay. My book is "You Might be a Redneck If This Is the Biggest Book You've Ever Read." Here are my sentences from said book:

1. You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

2. You might be a redneck if your tablecloth was delivered by the paperboy.

3. You might be a redneck if the only thing your credit card is good for is scraping frost off your windshield.

Yes, that was the book nearest to me. When I discovered it was the nearest book, well, I just couldn't resist posting this meme. I hope you enjoy, Alana!!

Wayward Socks

I'm constantly asking my son where his socks go. I buy them, he wears them, they disappear. Where are they, Tim? Hm? Dunno, Mom. I'm sure every parent wonders about wayward socks. Well, I discovered tonight where those pesky little foot coverings go. They're behind the chair in my living room. You found my socks!!! Gee, thanks, Mom!

Oh, and by the way, Wayward Socks opened for The Rolling Stones.

Borrowed Blog Subject

So I'm reading the blogs I enjoy reading, and I come to my friend, Rich's, blog. He and his wife are quite the amazing couple and parents, and I admire them greatly. His blog from yesterday said that he would like his life to smell of bergamot and wheat grass. I began to wonder what I would like my life to smell like. I decided that I would like it to smell of my fella's cologne, as I miss him very much, and don't get to see him often enough. Then, I decided next would be laundry dried on a clothesline in the fresh sunshine. How often do people hang their clothes out in the fresh air anymore? Not often, methinks, and I associate that smell with my childhood, running outside while my mom hung out the laundry. I would hide behind the sheets, thinking she couldn't see me, knowing I would scare her, but it never worked because she could see my shadow in the sheets. She inevitably would scare me every time, and we would have such a laugh. Lastly, I would like to smell the aroma of my mom's cooking again, as her cooking was the best in the world, in my opinion. My children would argue that MY cooking is the best in the world, but then, they never got to taste my mom's cooking. Perhaps when we sit down to that big banquet feast God has promised in eternity, some of my mom's dishes will be there so that I can taste them again, so that my children can know the delight I experienced as a child to eat something she prepared.

Funny how so many memories are tied up in scents, isn't it? How just a slight scent of a familiar perfume or cologne or food can make us think of our childhood, of our mothers, or even of someone we love who is far away. When I smell diesel exhaust in the fall, I'm whisked away to the fall of 1986, to the (then) SMSU campus' band house, when we would load up chartered buses to go to some event out-of-town. The buses would be running, we'd be loading our instruments on them, choking on the exhaust, then having a blast of a road trip. Fun times, I tell you. I forgot what I was like back then, until I started sorting through memories in the last few years, finding myself again.

My mother has been gone 10 years come April 15 this year. Time has flown, and so much has happened. More than likely, on April 15, I will cook something she used to make, just for the purpose of comfort. This summer, I just might hang some sheets outside to dry, just for a glimpse into my childhood. And this weekend, when I see my fella, I will steal the cologne I bought for him and bring it home, just so I can smell the stuff whenever I miss him terribly. Heh!!

What would you like your life to smell like?